7 Tips on Developing Good Character in our Children
Inspiration from the Life and Teachings of Our Prophet (SAW)
“I have only been sent to perfect good moral character.” (Ahmad)
Be a Role Model
A powerful way to pass on our values to our children is to teach them by example. Parents who model their own behaviour on our Prophet (SAW), and show honesty, empathy, trustworthiness, and compassion (to name just a handful of his character traits), will automatically teach their children to model this behaviour in their dealings with other people - especially as they will see how these traits can bring peace and happiness to their lives.
“Verily, the most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character and who are most kind to their families.” (Tirmidhi)
Use Effective Discipline to Teach Good Character
In many Ahadith, we see examples of our Prophet (SAW) gently correcting children without humiliating or scolding them. When our children misbehave, this can be a good opportunity for parents to teach them and explain why their behaviour was wrong, which positive character trait they opposed, and what they can do to rectify their behaviour and make amends.
Disciplining our children in a fair manner helps them to understand why their actions were unacceptable, and the consequences of their actions. This also reinforces our values to them, and builds stronger bonds between parent and child - making it less likely for them to repeat this behaviour, or withdraw from their parents through fear.
Involve Your Children in Acts of Kindness & Charity
By including our children when we give Sadaqah – whether it’s visiting a sick or elderly person, sharing food with a neighbour or giving money to a homeless person – we not only teach them gratitude, but also instil in them a love of giving, sharing and being kind, through positive experiences.
Also take opportunities to show how some acts of Sadaqah are free and easy to do, such as saying Salaam or smiling at a stranger.
A man asked the Prophet (SAW), “Which Islam is best?” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: To feed the hungry and to greet with peace those you know and those you do not know.” (Bukhari)
Tell Stories from Your Life
This is another wonderful opportunity to convey our values and ethics, whilst bonding with our children. Telling stories from our lives offers the chance to teach moral lessons, and can also be reinforced through discussions about the stories around us, for example in the news and media.
Be careful to follow through on your principles and values during discussions with other adults, where children may likely be listening – this teaches your children that you are guided by your beliefs in all aspects of life.
“Nothing is heavier upon the scale of a believer on the Day of Resurrection than his good character. Verily, Allah hates the vulgar and obscene.” (Tirmidhi)
Let Them Put their Values into Practice
For it to come naturally to them, children must practice what they learn. Guide them to aspire to be the best that they can be, by striving to demonstrate good character and strong values in all aspects of their lives – not just during positive experiences, but in negative ones as well, for example the way they react to being reprimanded by a teacher, or losing a game.
The way we respond to our children’s stories and anecdotes is also a way to teach them right from wrong and to once again uphold our values. For example, if we laugh along with them at another child’s expense, what does that say about our character, and what is that teaching our children?
“Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but rather He looks at your hearts and actions.” (Muslim)
Show Kindness to All
Our Prophet (SAW) lived in a time and place where people of different religions, races and tribes all lived together, and Christians, Jews, and pagans were treated equally. As Muslims, we should follow his example and treat everybody fairly, regardless of their religion, language, or race. We can teach this to our children in many different ways, for example, by donating to our local foodbanks, which serve the whole community, or sharing food with both Muslim and non-Muslim neighbours equally. This teaches our children that our morals and good character isn’t just limited to our dealings with other Muslims or people of the same ethnic backgrounds as us, but encompasses our behaviour with everyone.
“There is no favour of an Arab over a foreigner, nor a foreigner over an Arab, and neither white skin over black skin, nor black skin over white skin, except by righteousness.” (Ahmad)
Bring to Life Our Prophet’s (SAW) Character through Stories.
Children love to hear stories about heroes, who they often look up to as role models - and what better real-life hero and role model can there be for our children than our Prophet (SAW)? Reading the Seerah allows us to teach our children about his beauty and mannerisms, as well as appreciating his perfect character – a great example for us all.
There are countless Ahadith and stories about our Prophet’s (SAW) beautiful character, and as parents, it is our responsibility to share these stories and encourage our children to emulate him, and to impress upon them that good character is the most important trait of a Muslim.
“Shall I tell you about the most beloved to me and the closest to my assembly on the Day of Resurrection? They are those with the best character.” (Ahmad)